Weaponising sex and affection

Some people use sexual deprivation and lack of affection as a weapon to intimidate, punish, control or hurt their spouse. A person may recoil into his/her shell when they have been hurt or when they want to show their dissatisfaction with something their partner has done. This attitude of withdrawal may sometimes be an unconscious action beyond the control of the person and occasioned by a deep feeling of hurt and disappointment, it may also be a way to purposely punish a spouse who has done something wrong or as a mind control technique.

While this may be very effective initially as a punitive measure, it may begin to loose its efficacy as the mind gets accustomed to the state of lack or absence of sex or affection. The human mind is a master design, it has no limits and its capabilities are infinite, it controls all faucets of human life. It’s most amazing feature is adaptation. It can adapt to any situation and get the body to accept it as normal, herein lies the danger of using deprivation of sex and affection as a mind control technique or punitive measure.

When you abuse denial of sex and affection for whatever reason, your spouse after sometime gets accustomed to the situation, his/her body shuts down its ability to respond to sexual stimuli and affection. What you have created in the process is a frigid cold hearted partner who will react very violently for the flimsiest reasons. So while it is perfectly normal to use sex deprivation as a means of acquisition, punishment or manipulation, it’s also Important to understand that the abuse of the process will become counterproductive if it is abused. Sex and affection should be used for strengthening the bond between a couple and nothing else.

Another danger of using sex deprivation as a weapon is the minds ability to use alternatives. A spouse becomes prone to temptation when they are constantly denied affection or sex, this is particularly true for affection. An average human being, especially women thrives on affection. It is the oil that constantly lubricates the engine of a relationship, without it the engine gets cranky and may eventually become stiff and unable to function. What I am trying to say in essence is that when you deprive your spouse sex and affection, you have taken away their ability to resist temptation and may have given them a reason to cheat. If they are sexually very active, they won’t magically change, the only thing that changes is their sex partner.

The best way to show your displeasure about anything in marriage remains dialogue. No matter what it is or how you have been wronged, for your sake, your spouse and in some cases the children, draw your spouse’s attention to it, sit down like two civilised adults and talk about it. Bearing a grudge over a long period of time destroys you as a person and also destroys your home. You may think the offender knows what they have done, sometimes we hurt people ignorantly, so if you don’t talk about it, your spouse may be ignorant of the hurt you are carrying and you will end up suffering alone. That apology that will come after two or three months of rancour, murmuring and arguments can be received now if you tell your spouse how they have offended you. – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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2 comments

  1. ” That apology that will come after two or three months of rancour, murmuring and arguments can be received now if you tell your spouse how they have offended you.”

    Or that apology may never be received regardless of when or how you tell them…because they refuse to apologize. In 21 years of marriage, my ex-wife almost never apologized for anything. In fact, one time she instead asked “Aren’t I allowed to make a mistake?” I sometimes wonder how our marriage lasted as long as it did.

    Like

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