The dearth of commitment and common sense in marriage

Most problems in marriage start with the moulding of the couples’ character. What they see and hear and the environment they grow up in has a lot to do with who they eventually become. Marriages are crashing daily because of what this generation is exposed to from a very tender age. The traditional marriage setting like we know and grew up in has become folklore. Men are challenging the women in the area of house keeping and minding the children, the women are taking over the role of breadwinners and doing it exceptionally well. The usual family structure has been replaced with a system of survival of the fittest. The power struggle in the family usually starts immediately after “I do” and goes on until the couple either learns to accommodate each other or become consumed by the struggle for gender supremacy.

Men have come to represent a ticket to the good life, they are evaluated by how much they can provide, divided sharply by those who are overtly generous and the stingy ones, the haves and have nots. The former in both instances receives more attention from the women regardless of the sometimes very obvious and glaring character flaws. I remember a couple of decades ago when parents refused multimillionaires seeking their daughters hand in marriage on grounds of unsavoury behaviour and unverifiable sources of income, they often opted for the more stable, well behaved average man from a well known background. Those days the inquiries in-laws make concerning their daughters’ suitors bothered on behaviour and family background rather than how much money the man is worth, women were encouraged to marry average man with whom they can build a life together. Those days are gone, all you have to do now is make some money and you can get away with almost anything in marriage.

In this new order, woman are viewed primarily as sex and entertainment objects, designed to fulfilled the craziest fantasies of men who can afford them; intellect and manners have been sacrificed at the alter of vanity, waywardness and moral bankruptcy. Women are wearing less and just as the clothes are being shed, intellect, responsibility and good manners have disappeared with it. The due diligence men used to perform before marriage no longer exists, they are more concerned these days with her outward appearance and psychedelic lifestyle, her following on social media and her social circle. Marriages have become more about the social media hype than what the ceremony actually stands for. Too much emphasis is placed on the wedding ceremony leaving the marriage itself with little or no attention. Once the fanfare of the wedding begins to wane, the couples unpreparedness and lack of commitment to the union begins to manifest, boredom sets in and the couple eventually strays in different directions in search of either more money or canal entertainment as the case may be.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment and requires a lot of planning before one embarks on the journey, it is not a temporary relieve for lack of money or sexual urge. There are so many considerations which must be carefully examined before one finally settles for a life partner. Can you still love and respect the man without the wealth or power he currently possesses, will you be proud to show him off without the designer clothes, shoes and watches, does he make you happy, does he make you laugh, is he there when you need him? Does he accept you with your flaws and will he let you thrive and grow without feeling threatened. Do you love and Cherish her, will you still love and cherish her when the rigours of childbirth and age takes it’s toll on her? Do you feel responsible for her, can you talk to her about almost anything, can you do without trying to change her by force, do you feel comfortable and relaxed in her company, do you laugh and play together? These are just a few of the many things to consider in choosing a partner. Money and power are transient and can disappear anytime, beauty and a sexy figure will fade with time, what remains when these are gone is the real consideration. Choose wisely – Sir Stanley Ekezie

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